I want time to stop. But I want time to go on and show me what is has to offer. But when I accept that it has something to offer me I also acknowledge the fact that it has something and almost everything to take away.What if I am not ready to have my experiences turn into memories yet? (I am being dramatic I know). I am running out of time as I am running towards my goals and dreams. That a large and immovable wall that is older age, death or despair offer me a non-refundable reservation in which I am obliged if not unlawfully forced to accept. And that in the most simplest of terms, sucks.
I will never experience my childhood again or my young adulthood again (which I am currently going through) this is my cliche way of saying “I only have one life” and that even at the ripe old age of nineteen I don’t find it pleasing that I only have this limited time. Even if people are dying at every age and would kill for the time I have I am not satisfied, instead I find myself fretting over the fact that I won’t have enough time to see it all and do it all. How selfish and unappreciative of me. The thing is that I am appreciative for every living and breathing moment I have on this earth, to the point where I am enchanted and in love with the world and life itself too much and that can be such a burden…or it might seem that is how I make it to be which would make more sense.
I want a lot and that might be horrible of me to want to see, experience and be many things. This is because they say a person should not want so many things out of life and I find myself with an unfortunate desire and need to want to have my cake and eat it too, but I don’t just want one cake, I want to taste them all and then some. That is a stomach ache for sure, but one I believe I can stand.
I want to see the pyramids, I want to save the world, I want to help people I’ll never meet and have a hotdog on a bench, I want to meet different types of people and take a roadtrip, want a dog and want three degrees and maybe do some work in Africa, China, and some other country that no one cares about. I want a lot and I have a deadline. But I procrastinate for everything and I am afraid that when the deadline is there i’ll meet only a portion of it and i’ll hate myself for it for the bit or for the lot of what I didn’t do. Even though there are people that would of done anything to have the time I have. So my first world problem is freaking out about a full life span if I even make it to that lifespan. Maybe i’ll die tomorrow because I tripped over a rock or maybe if I wanted to be morbid and statistically accurate be killed in a car, a bombing, a shooting, or from cancer because that is life. So i’ll continue to be in love with life and just worry about the time I don’t know that I have or don’t have yet because that is life for the people that can never calm stupid thoughts.
So I can’t make time stop or play as I please it isn’t some DVD and I should stop being a pansy. Fine.
Every Flagler student?